Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise Settle Divorce

July 10, 2012

As shocking as this is to believe, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have settled their divorce amicably.

My guess is, Tom has no choice.

According to the Daily Mail, the agreement between Katie and Tom was made out of court and Katie was awarded sole custody of their 6-year-old daughter Suri.

Hallelujah!

Tom will still get to see his daughter, but reports claim Suri will be accompanied by her regular nannies and bodyguards during each visit.

“Katie insisted that Suri’s nanny and bodyguards always accompany her when she visits Tom… This will ensure a smooth and easy transition for Suri when she is with Tom.”

“Suri is Katie’s number one priority. Tom only has Scientologists that work for him and Katie insisted that her staff will always be with their daughter.”

“Under terms of the settlement, Suri isn’t permitted to be exposed to anything Scientology related and this includes going to any Scientology churches, parties, etc. Katie made sure that this was ironclad.”

Honestly, I feel an unearned sense of pride for Katie. I’m amazed that she was able to escape her marriage so quickly and so seamlessly. Obviously, a lot of chaos took place behind the scenes, but still – I’m pretty shocked.

This also means I’m proud of Tom. Lord knows that man was fuming mad, but ending this marriage gracefully amid all the tabloid coverage may have been one of the smartest career moves he’s made in a very, very long time.

I am just going to say that Tom will be the first one spotted out with a new love interest. It won’t be Katie. Katie will take her time, but Tom and The Church of Scientology will want to replace as soon as possible.

Mark. My. Words.

Now, if I were Katie, I would be planning a divorce party right about now! She should start hanging out with her former Dawson’s Creek co-star Michelle Williams. Michelle also lives in New York and is the single mother of her own little girl. Throw in Michelle’s bestie Busy Philipps and Katie might actually have some fun again!

UPDATE (10:37 AM/EST 7/10/12):

Page Six is reporting that Tom Cruise may have to pay Katie Holmes a lump sum of $20 – $50 million dollars and that doesn’t even include child support!

Holy. Cow.

It’s unclear exactly how much Tom will have to pay in child support, but in California, the rate is 7-10% of that persons yearly income. Tom reportedly made $75 million dollars last year, so that means he could end up paying Katie $7.5 million dollars a year in child support for Suri.

Sure, that sounds incredibly unreasonable and it probably won’t be anywhere near that much, but it’s possible.